Never mind which level of Hell they’re on…
“Ah,” said Joe Paterno. “I see you’re awake. Here, let me help you.” The former head football coach from Penn State helped his assistant from the exam table in the locker room.
“Joe?” replied Jerry Sandusky, “What are you doing here? I thought you were dead!”
“I am!” said the former legend whose record was wiped out as a result of Sandusky’s heinous acts and the subsequent coverup which Paterno himself participated in. “And so are you! Look more closely.”
Sandusky, the convicted child molester, focused his eyes and everything came into view with a crimson tint. “Oh…my G-”...and his head was immediately hit with a debilitating pain. He started to scream, but was cut off.
“Careful! You can’t say that word here. Let’s just say that he’s now our…Opponent. You can deal with that pretty well, can’t you? After all, you worked for me up top, and you work for me here too.”
“How’d you manage that?” asked Sandusky.
“I’ll show you in just a moment. How does the rest of you feel?”
“Well…considering I got anally assaulted nearly every day I was in prison.” The pedophile assistant coach got up and began to walk. “Strange…my rectum doesn’t feel sore at all!”
“That’s because the boss granted a special request from me to recruit you to help put together a football team here.”
“In Hell? You gotta be kidding me!”
“Nope,” Paterno shook his head. “Let’s go outside and I’ll show you what I mean.”
The two coaches walked from the locker room to the outside field. Sandusky gasped and smiled, “Why, it’s an exact replica of Beaver Stadium!”
“Only here, it’s called ‘Crappy Valley!’”
The arena was empty, with crisp, burnt red air…and a solitary, fedora-wearing figure up in the stands near the 50-yard line. On the field was something quite different, as clanking figures lined up for scrimmage, eleven per side. “What the Hell are those?”
“Why,” said JoePa matter-of-factly, “that’s our team: the Cylon Raiders! It’s White Squad versus Black Squad. I’ve been working with them, courtesy of our boss up there.” He pointed to the lone figure, who waved back. “Let’s go down to midfield and show these Toasters…”
“Yeah, you’ll see….”
Just then, the lone figure got up and joined the two former Penn State Coaches. “Hello Joe. This must be your assistant, Mr. Sandusky.” He nodded and extended his right hand. “Cavil. John Cavil.”
For once, Sandusky was taken aback. “Are you the…Owner?...of these Raiders?” The Number One Cylon snickered. “I’m certainly not Al Davis, am I? Here! Let’s go meet them Up Close and Personal, shall we?”
The three of them made it to midfield and stood at the line of scrimmage; both squads were lined up for a play. They all rose from their respective stances to pay homage to their leader for 150,000 years.
Meanwhile, up in the stands, Charles Johnson attempted to sell concessions to the fans who were trickling in to see the brawl, with his punishment battalion of seventy-two copies there to make sure he actually performed his duties, lest he be disemboweled again.
The bicycling blogger muttered his breath, “F**k f**k f**k f**k,” then yelled out loud, “Get your Cheetos and Mountain Dew right here! Ten-credit combo!” No one was buying. “S**t s**t s**t s**t,” he muttered again.
“OK RAIDERS!” yelled Paterno. “Time to show Cavil here what you all can do! Line up! Whites, run the basic Up-The-Middle play.” He slammed the ball into Sandusky’s gut, who obliged and amazingly felt as if he were 22 all over again!
Sandusky couldn’t figure out why, but he found himself being taken over by…something. He tossed the ball to the quarterback who resembled a Roman soldier. The cadence began, uttered in an unearthly buzz tone: “RED-FIFTEEN! BLUE-TWENTY-SEVEN! HUT-HUT-HUT!” The quarterback backed away from center, turned and handed the ball to Sandusky, who obligingly ran toward the line of scrimmage. The convicted pedophile then saw the Centurion nose tackle extend his left arm straight out, with his gladius automatically protruding from the forearm. It was aimed directly at Sandusky’s neck! There was no way to stop the play. The running back’s head cleanly severed from the rest of his body and flew several feet into the air, then plopping right beside his now-slumping figure. He remained conscious long enough to see it happen.
Paterno waved his hands over his head and blew the whistle, then ran up to Sandusky as he was dying. “There, that clothesline wasn’t so bad was it! So long as you work for me, you won’t be subjected to the demon with the anvil-shaped genitalia!”
“Got...it….” croaked Jerry Sandusky as he terminated, soon to be resurrected for the first of an endless cycle of deaths.
Three hours later, the carnage of the match was cleaned up from Crappy Valley. 46,284 screaming fans went home satisfied. The Number One Cylon turned to Joe Paterno. “And now…it’s your turn.”
Paterno nodded and sighed; he knew what he had to do. “Centurions…execute.” The twelve remaining Bulletheads who did not play in the game piled on top, crushing him to death.
Cavil sighed. “I miss Pyramid.” He then noticed the two mysterious figures in the southeast corner, who saw all that transpired. He waved, then flipped his middle finger at them.
The female sarcastically frowned. “Nice to know he still cares about us.”
“Indeed,” said the male; the two then vanished.
After all, Gaius Baltar did become a Man of God! This is the end result of a character I made up for Sid Meier’s PIRATES! game, which I thoroughly loved in the old Mac 7.x iteration, and eventually it was ported over to the iOS platform too. Snicker....
According to this SeeBS News report, the NCAA will make an announcement tomorrow morning at 0900 ET regarding the Penn Pedophile State coverups for convicted child molester Jerry Sandusky, whose rectum is probably being enlarged in prison as this is written. My gut feeling tells me that they will shut down their football program, much like what they did with SMU back in the late 80s....
But this time the NCAA may go even further than the one-year penalty they imposed. I’d like to see them, at a minimum, shut down not only Penn Pedophile State’s football, but also every other sport that university runs as well. Allow students to transfer eligibility without penalty, and force Penn Pedophile State to pay all revenues ill-gotten by JoePa back to the schools they played.
Finally, ALL RECORDS of wins versus ANY school since JoePa hired Sandusky should be turned into losses.
Is this not a Death Penalty? Oh, absolutely. My mind is thinking along the lines of what happened to Carthage…Salt The Earth stuff.
I am Mrs. A’idah Abdul Jabaar, an ageing widow suffering from long time illness; I am currently admitted in a private hospital in Abidjan Ivory Coast.
I inherited huge sum of money from my late loving husband Mr. Abdul Jabaar Yaqoot which I need a very honest and Allah fearing person that can use this funds for the less privileged children and widows in this Holy Month Of Fasting.
More information’s will be disclosed to you as soon as I hear from you.
Sallam, Mrs. A’idah Abdul Jabaar
Upon further review, the location of the sender is not from Germany, but from Abidjan, Ivory Coast! Man, if they are Mohammedan as he/she/it purports itself to be, then they have a s****y command of the English language. Then again, Cote d’Ivoire was a French Colony before it became independent in 1960.
As to this person, let me say that I love and fear The One True GOD worshipped and prayed to by Christians and Jews alike, not some frakking Moon god from the Arabian Peninsula. And I invite you to kindly go to your “heaven.”
Which corresponds to our…HELL.
As Gomer Pyle would say it…Well Surprahse Surprahse!
Jimmy Carter, America’s 39 th president, denounced the Obama administration for “clearly violating” 10 of the 30 articles of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, writing in a New YorkSaddam Times op-ed on Monday that the “United States is abandoning its role as the global champion of human rights.”
“Instead of making the world safer, America’s violation of international human rights abets our enemies and alienates our friends,” Carter wrote. [You don’t say!...Ed.]
While the total number of attacks from unmanned aircraft, or drones, and the resulting casualties are murky, the New America Foundation estimates that in Pakistan alone 265 drone strikes have been executed since January 2009. Those strikes have killed at least 1,488 people, at least 1,343 of them considered militants, the foundation estimates based on news reports and other sources.
In addition to the drone strikes, Carter criticized the current president for keeping the Guantanamo Bay detention center open, where prisoners “have been tortured by waterboarding more than 100 times or intimidated with semiautomatic weapons, power drills or threats to sexually assault their mothers.” [He left out the method of having menstruating females taunt the detainees by masturbating in front of them!...Ed.]
I sometimes wonder what’s going through the mind of this ol’ coot…that said, if Обама has lost the support of Dhimmi Carter, then he has truly lost the country!
Richard Milhous Nixon and his Attorney General, John Mitchell, were caught in the same type of trap forty years ago. Except back then, it was merely covering up for a break-in, and not MURDERED Americans and Mexicans!
And now, Обама is doing the same thing with Холдер. And only four months and change before the election! What in God’s name are these men thinking?
Бара́к Хусе́йн Обама and HIS ENTIRE REGIME are DOMESTIC ENEMIES of the United States Constitution!
After watching the LA Kings win the Stanley Cup for the first time in franchise history, I couldn’t help but notice the uncanny resemblance of Head Coach Darryl Sutter to one of our favorite EEEEEVIL Masterminds of the World:
I don’t exactly remember where I came across this photo (even after a Yahoo! Search), but if one were to judge simply from the following photo, they might conclude that yes, her Day In The Sun is over:
Then again, God only knows what she has up her sleeve….
In light of Президент Обама‘s calling the Nazi Death Camps Polish, I decided to take Lech Walesa to the next level, since he apparently was the real target of Обама‘s verbal manipulation.
Granted, Обама wasn’t too happy that Walesa didn’t attend his visit last year to Poland. No matter. There is a much larger issue here, and it is Обама‘s deliberate mis-categorization of the Death Camps. Kinda like what the Soviets did to Poland in the Katyn Massacre.
A lot of stuff has happened, and not all of it good.
My wife abandoned me. I wasn’t about to stick around and wait for her family to humiliate me while they packed her stuff, so I left. I had most of my stuff packed anyway; it took me just a couple of weeks to get everything ready.
I formally left the apartment in Mesa on March 26. I found out later that she left the following day…and left all her stuff behind, which meant everything she Hoarded, and then some, and the apartment complex had to clean it out. That…will be for the lawyers to sort out.
The only other thing I will say is that I am glad to be where I’m at.