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Friday, July 27, 2012

Meanwhile in Download City…

Filed under: | Download City


Never mind which level of Hell they’re on…
“Ah,” said Joe Paterno. “I see you’re awake. Here, let me help you.” The former head football coach from Penn State helped his assistant from the exam table in the locker room.
“Joe?” replied Jerry Sandusky, “What are you doing here? I thought you were dead!”
“I am!” said the former legend whose record was wiped out as a result of Sandusky’s heinous acts and the subsequent coverup which Paterno himself participated in. “And so are you! Look more closely.”
Sandusky, the convicted child molester, focused his eyes and everything came into view with a crimson tint. “Oh…my G-”...and his head was immediately hit with a debilitating pain. He started to scream, but was cut off.
“Careful! You can’t say that word here. Let’s just say that he’s now our…Opponent. You can deal with that pretty well, can’t you? After all, you worked for me up top, and you work for me here too.”
“How’d you manage that?” asked Sandusky.
“I’ll show you in just a moment. How does the rest of you feel?”
“Well…considering I got anally assaulted nearly every day I was in prison.” The pedophile assistant coach got up and began to walk. “Strange…my rectum doesn’t feel sore at all!”
“That’s because the boss granted a special request from me to recruit you to help put together a football team here.”
“In Hell? You gotta be kidding me!”
“Nope,” Paterno shook his head. “Let’s go outside and I’ll show you what I mean.”

The two coaches walked from the locker room to the outside field. Sandusky gasped and smiled, “Why, it’s an exact replica of Beaver Stadium!”
“Only here, it’s called ‘Crappy Valley!’”
The arena was empty, with crisp, burnt red air…and a solitary, fedora-wearing figure up in the stands near the 50-yard line. On the field was something quite different, as clanking figures lined up for scrimmage, eleven per side. “What the Hell are those?”
“Why,” said JoePa matter-of-factly, “that’s our team: the Cylon Raiders! It’s White Squad versus Black Squad. I’ve been working with them, courtesy of our boss up there.” He pointed to the lone figure, who waved back. “Let’s go down to midfield and show these Toasters…”
Toasters?
“Yeah, you’ll see….”
Just then, the lone figure got up and joined the two former Penn State Coaches. “Hello Joe. This must be your assistant, Mr. Sandusky.” He nodded and extended his right hand. “Cavil. John Cavil.”
For once, Sandusky was taken aback. “Are you the…Owner?...of these Raiders?”
The Number One Cylon snickered. “I’m certainly not Al Davis, am I? Here! Let’s go meet them Up Close and Personal, shall we?”
The three of them made it to midfield and stood at the line of scrimmage; both squads were lined up for a play. They all rose from their respective stances to pay homage to their leader for 150,000 years.
Meanwhile, up in the stands, Charles Johnson attempted to sell concessions to the fans who were trickling in to see the brawl, with his punishment battalion of seventy-two copies there to make sure he actually performed his duties, lest he be disemboweled again.

The bicycling blogger muttered his breath, “F**k f**k f**k f**k,” then yelled out loud, “Get your Cheetos and Mountain Dew right here! Ten-credit combo!” No one was buying. “S**t s**t s**t s**t,” he muttered again.
OK RAIDERS!” yelled Paterno. “Time to show Cavil here what you all can do! Line up! Whites, run the basic Up-The-Middle play.” He slammed the ball into Sandusky’s gut, who obliged and amazingly felt as if he were 22 all over again!
Sandusky couldn’t figure out why, but he found himself being taken over by…something. He tossed the ball to the quarterback who resembled a Roman soldier. The cadence began, uttered in an unearthly buzz tone: “RED-FIFTEEN! BLUE-TWENTY-SEVEN! HUT-HUT-HUT!” The quarterback backed away from center, turned and handed the ball to Sandusky, who obligingly ran toward the line of scrimmage.
The convicted pedophile then saw the Centurion nose tackle extend his left arm straight out, with his gladius automatically protruding from the forearm. It was aimed directly at Sandusky’s neck!
There was no way to stop the play. The running back’s head cleanly severed from the rest of his body and flew several feet into the air, then plopping right beside his now-slumping figure. He remained conscious long enough to see it happen.

Paterno waved his hands over his head and blew the whistle, then ran up to Sandusky as he was dying. “There, that clothesline wasn’t so bad was it! So long as you work for me, you won’t be subjected to the demon with the anvil-shaped genitalia!”
Got...it….” croaked Jerry Sandusky as he terminated, soon to be resurrected for the first of an endless cycle of deaths.
Three hours later, the carnage of the match was cleaned up from Crappy Valley. 46,284 screaming fans went home satisfied. The Number One Cylon turned to Joe Paterno. “And now…it’s your turn.”
Paterno nodded and sighed; he knew what he had to do. “Centurions…execute.” The twelve remaining Bulletheads who did not play in the game piled on top, crushing him to death.
Cavil sighed. “I miss Pyramid.” He then noticed the two mysterious figures in the southeast corner, who saw all that transpired. He waved, then flipped his middle finger at them.
The female sarcastically frowned. “Nice to know he still cares about us.”
“Indeed,” said the male; the two then vanished.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

The Bishop…Baltar?

Filed under: | Battlestar Galactica | Entertainment

I kid you not!


After all, Gaius Baltar did become a Man of God! This is the end result of a character I made up for Sid Meier’s PIRATES! game, which I thoroughly loved in the old Mac 7.x iteration, and eventually it was ported over to the iOS platform too. Snicker....

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Pedophile State Death Penalty?

Filed under: | Sports

According to this SeeBS News report, the NCAA will make an announcement tomorrow morning at 0900 ET regarding the Penn Pedophile State coverups for convicted child molester Jerry Sandusky, whose rectum is probably being enlarged in prison as this is written. My gut feeling tells me that they will shut down their football program, much like what they did with SMU back in the late 80s....

But this time the NCAA may go even further than the one-year penalty they imposed. I’d like to see them, at a minimum, shut down not only Penn Pedophile State’s football, but also every other sport that university runs as well. Allow students to transfer eligibility without penalty, and force Penn Pedophile State to pay all revenues ill-gotten by JoePa back to the schools they played.
Finally, ALL RECORDS of wins versus ANY school since JoePa hired Sandusky should be turned into losses.
Is this not a Death Penalty? Oh, absolutely. My mind is thinking along the lines of what happened to Carthage…Salt The Earth stuff.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

The Republicans or The Greens?

Filed under: | BS Patrol

Good Lord! Here’s another unsolicited e-mail…this time from Charlotte Taittinger of Social Animal:

Hi Macker’s World,

Guess who’s behind this video, produced by Boylan Studios New York?

Yours truly,

Charlotte Taittinger  

Social Animal

And my reply:

Charlotte:
I don’t know who you are, but let me state categorically that the Greens are just that on the outside, and Red on the inside. All for Al’s Gorebull Warming.

Is there a Full Moon out tonight or what!

UNHoly Month of Fasting

Filed under: | War on Terror

Ah, look what I found in my Junk Mail!

I am Mrs. A’idah Abdul Jabaar, an ageing widow suffering from long time illness; I am currently admitted in a private hospital in Abidjan Ivory Coast.
I inherited huge sum of money from my late loving husband Mr. Abdul Jabaar Yaqoot which I need a very honest and Allah fearing person that can use this funds for the less privileged children and widows in this Holy Month Of Fasting.
More information’s will be disclosed to you as soon as I hear from you.
Sallam,
Mrs. A’idah Abdul Jabaar


Upon further review, the location of the sender is not from Germany, but from Abidjan, Ivory Coast! Man, if they are Mohammedan as he/she/it purports itself to be, then they have a s****y command of the English language. Then again, Cote d’Ivoire was a French Colony before it became independent in 1960.
As to this person, let me say that I love and fear The One True GOD worshipped and prayed to by Christians and Jews alike, not some frakking Moon god from the Arabian Peninsula. And I invite you to kindly go to your “heaven.”
Which corresponds to our…HELL.

Sunday, July 01, 2012

What’s Wrong With This Photo?

Filed under: | The UN

It depends on the observer, of course:

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