AUTHOR’S NOTE: This episode is courtesy of notorious lurker Dorian Grey…thank you for the inspiration Dorian!
Also, be sure to roll your mouse over the italicized phrases en Español, so you can find out what they say in English!
Never mind which level of Hell they’re on…
Salvador Allende and Che Guevara sat back in identical tanning chairs on a beautiful beach, its copper red sanded edges turned to glass by an ocean of flames, where many ordinary souls damned to this realm managed to keep their heads above the surface. Their last memory was of being consumed in John Cavil’s holocaustic fire.
“Whew…” muttered Allende as he wiped his forehead, a resident for 38 years. “I am relieved that is over and done with.”
“Very true, Comrade,” countered the Argentine guerrilla. “One should experience a nuclear explosion only once. I’m surprised we didn’t have that happen when we were still alive!”
“Hey, you would have been vaporized for sure!” Allende replied. “At least I was in the Southern Hemisphere when all that went down.. And to think, your Cuban “comrades” want to turn your Worker’s Paradise into a bunch of golf courses!”
Che hung his head. “For that…I feel…shame, Comrade.”
The former Chilean President patted the fighter’s shoulder to give him solace. “As do I, Comrade. As do I.”
Just then they heard the familiar buzz of the Centurion approach them from behind. They turned and got up to find it holding a recently processed Comrade, then genttly setting the revived corpse down at their feet.
Even separated by well over forty years, Che recognized his old boss. He gasped. “Comrade Fidel!” He grinned at and addressed the Centurion. “¡Muchas gracias, Centurion!”
The Centurion said nothing and marched away.
Fidel Castro muttered loudly enough to allow his two Comrades to hear: “Where…where am I?”
Che replied. “I am sorry to say that you are in Hell. But at least we are together again!” He and the Chilean ex-dictator helped Castro on his feet…when all of a sudden Che thrust his right knee into his boss’ nether region!
When Castro regained his breath, he yelled, “What in the Hell was THAT for?”
“That,” Che sneered, “was for allowing those golf courses to be built on the graves of our Comrade Workers!” He kicked Castro again. “And THAT...is for admitting that Communism was a failure to the world. I plan to do the same to your brother when he arrives!”
Castro gasped. “I had to tell the truth, friend.”
This didn’t placate Che, who drew his pistol and replied, “And now, I have the honor of delivering you to Señor Cavil, who will determine your Eternal Punishment.”
“Not the Devil himself?”
“No. And I will see you again soon. And you will…understand.” Che fired, hitting Castro square between the eyes, collapsing the former Communist leader onto the copper red sands of the beach.
Allende looked at his timepiece. “Well, Comrade, it is time for me to undergo that which I inflicted upon myself anyway.” He walked away and waved. “See you tomorrow!”
Next, another Centurion showed up, it stood there for a few seconds and then opened its arms into automatic weapons. It didn’t have to say anything…as Che Guevara knew his role and his punishment. “Sé que has venido a matarme. ¡Dispara, tostadora! ¡Sólo se le va a matar a un hombre!” The Cylon opened fire….